My Exclusive (and revealing) Interview With Mitt Romney

Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney's recent road trip abroad, which took him from Europe to the Middle East, was intended to be a showcase for his diplomatic skills and to boaster his foreign policy experience, but a number of embarrassing gaffes have the public questioning whether or not Mr. Romney is ready for the Presidency, should he win it this Fall.
At Romney's final stop in Poland there were to be no voice-recording devices allowed in as he engaged in a photo op with Poland's former President Lech Walesa, but a journalist did get a clear recording of Romney's number one assistant telling reporters to "Kiss my a**, this is a holy place in Poland!" after they tried to ask Romney questions about his previous gaffes in Israel and England.
Romney arrived back home early Wednesday morning and was kind enough to grant me an interview via Skype as he oiled up his new car elevator in his San Diego mansion.

Mr. Romney, thank you for taking the time out of your busy campaign schedule to speak with me. I hope you have had time to at least relax a little since you've been back home . . . 

Mitt Romney: "Oiling up the ole' automobile elevator relaxes me. My wife and I just had this baby put in a couple of months ago to make room for my growing collection of rare collectible cars and her Cadillacs."

You have taken some flack for installing a multi-million dollar elevator in your home just for automobiles while at the same time agreeing with Tea Party Congressman Rand Paul that the Americans With Disabilities Act goes too far when it requires new buildings to have elevators installed in them to make accommodations for people with disabilities? How do you then justify an elevator in your home - for cars?


Mitt Romney: "Look, I'm not going to apologize for being successful. And besides, Cadillacs are people my friend, and my wife buys enough of them to keep GM in business all by herself, so see, it wasn't Barack Obama and the Democrats who bailed them out and saved tens of thousands of jobs, it was the Romneys. And as far as elevators in new buildings go - they are expensive and why should an employer have to be burdened with the cost of installing one for the few people who are confined to a wheelchair and want to go to work? I advocate making all disabled people work in the basement and then installing playground slides in office buildings and letting these people slide right into their work stations. Sounds fair and pretty fun doesn't it?"


Well possibly, but can we get down to some questions I have about your recent trip overseas in which many are claiming was marred with very large public gaffes with foreign . . . 

Mitt Romney: "I keep hearing that and I have no idea what people are talking about! This is just another example of the liberal media spreading lies. I don't have any large giraffes overseas, and if I did I certainly wouldn' take them out in public. I do however have quite a few offshore bank accounts, but I'm trying my hardest to keep those private. And the only foreign giraffe I know of is that Melman character from Madagascar 3, who is voiced by that actor from "Friends" David Schwimmer. Boy, he is one funny Jew." 

That's exactly what the media is talking about. You just made a racist remark about Jews and while you were in Israel you insulted the Palestinians and possibly some Jews by saying the Jews were better with money because it was in their heritage. And a gaffe is not an animal, but rather an unintentional act or remark causing embarrassment.

Mitt Romney: "That's just nonsense. Everything I say is intentional. And boy, if I thought it were true that Jews were better with money simply because they were Jewish, then I would have converted from Mormonism 30 years ago." 

There's no need to overreact, other Americans had public gaffes overseas this week. Hope Solo of the womens' soccer team tweeted some embarrassing remarks against American TV analyst and retired soccer star Brandi Chastain . . . 

Mitt Romney: "Hope Solo - Listen, anyone who escapes from being frozen in carbonite by Jaba The Hut and then helps destroy the Death-star can tweet whatever the hell they want in my book!" 

Okay . . . While you were in England you insulted the Mayor of London by suggesting that his large city wasn't quite prepared for the Olympic games. Some are saying this is a mistake because it shows your incompetence in diplomacy.

Mitt Romney: "Look, that was a gaffe that went public, but there were plenty of good moments that the liberal press isn't promoting that could have showcased my good diplomatic skills . . . like when Prime Minister David Cameron asked me at a private luncheon what kind of tea bag I would like served to me, it took all of my inner strength to not punch him in his ugly English mug - I very simply and calmly told him that as an American conservative I don't care to partake in his liberal European homosexual rituals, but I know of a few Republican colleagues who are huge tea-baggers in more ways than one if you know what I mean . . . and that if I become President I would be more than happy to introduce them to each other."

In Britain, afternoon tea is served like morning coffee is in America, or like Jack Daniels is well, anytime in Mississippi, so that too was a gaffe. 

Mitt Romney: "My bad."

Besides those rather embarrassing gaffes, did you enjoy any part of your visit to London?

Mitt Romney: "My time in the Olympic village was interesting  - I haven't seen so much pill-popping and casual sex since Rush Limbaugh's birthday party last year. And let me tell you something . . . if beer pong were an Olympic event, Michael Phelps and myself would definitely earn gold in a doubles match."

I have been following the Olympics from my TV here in the states, and like most people I have a few favorite events that I enjoy watching, like the men's pommel horse. Do you have any favorite Olympic events? I know you and your wife own a horse that is in the Olympic event known as the Dressage. 

Mitt Romney: "To be quite honest I have never been very athletic and I am not familiar with this "pommel horse" event that you speak of, but I have pummeled a few horses in my time and if my wife's two million dollar fancy horse comes home without a medal I'm going to donate his lazy a** to the Elmer's Glue factory." 

All right, getting off the subject of the Olympics - While in Israel, besides insulting the Palestinians by saying the Jews were better with finances you also made the statement that the United States should look towards the Israeli health care system as a model. Are you aware that the Israeli health care system has mandated universal coverage for all of its citizens and a large amount of federal government control and oversight?

Mitt Romney: "Are we talking about Israel or Massachusetts? Stop confusing me . . . Can we change the subject please?"

Okay, Rolling Stone Magazine recently released their list of the top 500 albums of all-time, with the Beatles holding four of the top ten spots. Are you a fan of the Beatles? 


Mitt Romney: "You know, I never really cared for that John Lennon - he was a long-haired, free-living, peace-loving hippy who went against the established religion of his day . . . Or was that Jesus?"

Okay, so the Beatles are not your thing - Do you have any other bands or favorite songs that you would like to share with the public?

Mitt Romney: "I'm kind of fond of 80's rock . . . That was a great decade for me. I made my first $100 million, most of my legitimate children were born and I chopped more cocaine on my dresser mirror every morning than I chopped heads every afternoon as the CEO of Bain Capital - Boy I miss Reaganomics."

Mr. Romney - your favorite songs?

Mitt Romney: "Oh yeah, sorry. All right, let me see . . . "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straights really got me pumped up. "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" by Tears For Fears seems to still play over and over in my head as I run for President, and one song that I always liked but was a little shy to share with anyone was "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. - But my all-time favorite has to be that patriotic song by that nice Christian rock group Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Fortunate Son."

Creedence Clearwater Revival was a progressive and anachronistic band that often wrote songs about the plight of working class people - and your favorite song, "Fortunate Son" is written from the perspective of a man who is being drafted into the Vietnam War who is not "fortunate" enough to be the son of a Senator or millionaire.

Mitt Romney: "Looks like I'll be returning that 8-track tape to Sears. You seem to be more up-to-date on music than I am - Would you suggest a more modern tune that I could use as a theme song to play on the campaign trail?"


"The Pretender" by the Foo Fighters comes to mind.
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Disclaimer: This "interview" was fictional, but please check back next week when I share my actual conversation with Wisconsin State Representative Jeff Stone, who is far less of an important figure in the GOP than Mitt Romney, but only slightly more approachable.

The GOP Throws Millions of College Students Under The Bus

In 2011 college students took out $112 BILLION in college loans, doubling the amount taken out just a decade ago. To combat the over-bearing debt congress had frozen the interest rates on student loans at 3.4%, but that freeze is set to expire this July, doubling the interest rates of an estimated seven million students.

The Democrats presented a Bill in the Senate on May 8th that would keep those interest rates frozen by raising Social Security and Medicare payroll taxes on high-earners like stockholders of S Corporations who classify their pay as dividends, not cash income - essentially cutting their tax rate in half.

Sixty votes were needed to begin the debate on the Bill, but without a SINGLE Republican voting for it, including Wisconsin's own Millionaire Senator Ron Johnson, it was dead upon arrival and the interest rates will double this Summer.

"So what?" You ask... well, Americans now owe over one TRILLION dollars in student loan debt - a debt that has surpassed credit card debt for the first time in our nation's history. And do Republicans care? Hell no - they would rather protect the booming bank accounts of wealthy stockholders than the measly checking accounts of college students.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that this vote sends the message to Americans that "Republicans would rather protect wealthy tax-dodgers" than struggling students.  In agreement, the White House released a statement saying, "It is extremely disappointing that Republicans in the Senate today voted to ask millions of students to pay an average of $1,000 each in order to protect a loophole that allows millionaires to dodge payroll taxes."

Senator Ron Johnson (Tea-Bagger Party) was a speaker this weekend at the Wisconsin Republican Convention where the touted Scott Walker and asked people to vote for him in his recall election. We all know Walker and Johnson are cut from the same slimy mold that was forged by ALEC and that these guys have one thing in mind - CUT TAXES.

Okay, Walker's budget did cut my taxes...by a whopping $29. But the same narrow-minded agenda that cut my property taxes just produced a $2,000 college loan interest burden onto my kids. I have two children who I assume will go to college, so that extra $2,000 the GOP just gave snatched came from their pockets (and yours kids' pockets too) then promptly placed it right into the hands of rich stockholders - who obviously need it more than our children, right?

The problem here is that stockholders don't create jobs - never have, never will...They just eat up the profits of someone else's labor, claim a measly 15% on their "earnings" and let the interest collect on some off-shore account, denying Uncle Sam his fair share.
So to me it is obvious that guys like Scott Walker and Ron Johnson (who relied on low-interest government loans to produce his millions) care a hell of a lot more about the interests of the uber-wealthy than the uber-average.

And the chances are that about 99% of you reading this blog just got screwed by the GOP in same rear-ended way that my family did, but only about half of you will actually take a stand and vote against greed by recalling corporate puppet and Hair Club For Men candidate, Scott Walker.

To be fair, the GOP did submit a Bill in the House to keep the loan rates frozen, but their plan paid for it by taking $ directly from the "Affordable Care Act" that allows college students to stay on their parent's insurance until the age of 27 - in essence robbing Peter to pay well, Peter...?!?!?!?!

Scott and Ron - you can have my $29 in property taxes back if you re-invest it in education for my children, because unlike you selfish bastards - I care more about my kids' future than my personal checking account.

"Show Scotty The Money!"

Last Tuesday, volunteers (like myself) were in Madison to turn in over 1 MILLION signatures to recall Governor Walker - but Scotty wasn't there . . . Scotty was in New York City, at a $2,500 per person fundraiser hosted by Hank Greenberg, the former CEO of (AIG) American International Group, the global insurance corporation that needed $150 BILLION in bailout funds from the government. Aren't conservatives supposed to be against the bailouts and corporate welfare, or welfare of any kind? Usually they are, unless of course THEY themselves can benefit from it - like Scotty just did.

Walker raised $4.5 million in the last five weeks, and according to campaign finance records the majority of it came from wealthy, out-of-state financiers. The biggest donor to Walker's recall campaign is Bob Perry, who gave $540,000 to Walker. So who is Perry you ask? Is he from WI? Does he have business here? Nope - Perry is a Texas home-building tycoon who became famous for bankrolling the infamous Swift Boat Veterans for Truth campaign that lied about John Kerry's war record in Vietnam. Is Texas now a Madison suburb?

Other out-of-state and out-of-touch with reality millionaires who recently contributed to Walker's campaign include Foster Friess, a Wyoming-based investor and frequent GOP donor, who donated $100,000 and Bruce Kovner, a billionaire manager of the world's largest hedge fund, who finances and chairs the American Enterprise Institute, which has churned up the likes of Dick Cheney and other creeps corporate vultures who take their multi-million dollar businesses oversees in order to avoid paying income taxes in America.

But Scotty is scott-free to collect unlimited amounts of money before the actual campaign starts, so it's all legal - but is it morally ethical? I think not, especially since the very same day we handed in the 1 MILLION+ signatures to recall him, he was in NY collecting tens of thousands of dollars from people who have NO connection to our state. He also gave an interview to Rush Limbaugh complaining about $ coming in from out-of-state union bosses to help fund the recall effort against him.

~ http://motherjones.com/mojo/2012/01/scott-walker-recall-new-york-fundraiser
~ http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/01/24/1058126/-Scott-Walkers-Corporate-Cash-Bonanza:-$45-million-raised-in-5-weeks

What a hypocrite! What a creep. And what a slime ball. I have a hunch that the FBI John Doe investigation is creeping up onto his doorstep and soon we will all be getting a peek into what kind of dirty, morbid skeletons he is keeping in his closet.

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I almost forgot - Wisconsin was second in the nation in new unemployment claims in December, with 10,203, followed only by Michigan, another state run by another right-wing nut job who thinks with his wallet first, his campaign second, and the people somewhere way down the frickin' line.
Since June, Wisconsin has lost nearly 28,000 jobs, but Walker has handed out $2.3 BILLION in tax breaks for corporations and the rich - who are obviously NOT CREATING JOBS.
Do we still need to brown bag our lunch if we're not actually going to work? Did Doyle leave any leftovers?